how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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