Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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