I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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