I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
