Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
