Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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