Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
