we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
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