one two three fourrrrnication!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
