why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Randomize
