Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
