capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Text me some of your sweat
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
