Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
