I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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