grandma shit on top of the toilet
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
