I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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