Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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