well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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