just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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