I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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