That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
