I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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