people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he thought i was a dude.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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