I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
The air taste purple.
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