he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
