i can't believe i had my finger in that
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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