This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
