the condom got lost in my hair
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
