Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
