He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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