If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
