very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
