This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
