Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
