Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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