i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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