Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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