Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My feet surprised me
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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