Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
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