then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
