who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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