I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
