The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
