2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
