Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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