Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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