Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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