guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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