pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
