so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
how does that bad decision feel?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
