he wants to bone in the snuggie
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
