Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I have demons in me.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
