i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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