if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
