Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
