Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
