I puked a lego.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize